My god. Tonight has been the hardest so far. I got to have a relaxing game of chess, which gave me more time to think, was very therapeutic..and was probably the easiest part of the evening. Then when my housemate asked me about lectures my mood just dropped. Went byebye. Not his fault obviously, but my idiotic brain decided it was the end of my world. So my mood went from about a 3/10 to a 0/10. I sit here grabbing my skull because my mind hurts to think about small things, and I know people look at me like i'm crazy.
I'm finding it harder each day to control my mood. I even admitted to my housemate that I need tomorrow to myself. Can't be distubred. I need a day to just be alone. I want to leave, why is this such a taboo?! I just want to die and no one even realise my absence. I think people will end up hating me..I was always scared of people hating me..I guess thats what karma truly is. Im going to transfer my wages to my housemates account so he can pay the rent..and i'm leaving my motorbike to his girlfriend if I can ever find the forms. I have so much debt that I would be paying it off for 20 years..so the fact i've been independant for 6 years will hopefully help my loved ones. I don't know if there is a God, but if there is, please look after the people I love. Don't let them suffer for my decision.
Bye? x
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